The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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