JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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