I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
