This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
