We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
