he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
