I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
