I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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