thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
