I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
