So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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