Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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