White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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