i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
