I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
