For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
