just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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