He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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