tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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