we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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