She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
