im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
