He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
