The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
