meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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