I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
