So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
