Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
