why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
