you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
