Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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