What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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