I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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