Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
