why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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