He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
