11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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