you guys were way drunker than both of me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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