Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
