break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He did a backflip because drugs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
