it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
