I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
