my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do herpes really smell.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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