Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
