i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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