dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
