i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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