college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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