I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
