I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
