took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
