I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
