So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
