Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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