I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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