I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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