Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
