I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
