Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
