if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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