mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
