If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize