After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There r osticjed everywhere
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
