btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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