my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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