just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
