Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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