Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
