I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
