I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
