Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
