piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
