i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
