I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
