wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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