I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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