the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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