The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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