I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
