does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
