I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
